Adult Children of Alcoholics ("ACOA")Psychotherapist and Spiritual Counselor
Adult Children of Alcoholics ("ACOA")
One out of
eight Americans have an alcoholic parent. Many of their problems,
including some of the key issues of their adult lives, are related to childhood
experiences associated with their parent’s drinking. Recovery for adults
who grew up in troubled homes isn’t as simple as it may appear. Many
“traps” spring up, hooking us into familiar and unproductive behaviors.
At first glance, the designation "adult child” seems to be an oxymoron.
But, Dr. Blair holds that the term is aptly descriptive. On the one hand,
she explains, adult children have been wounded; on the other, they have grown up
too fast. Although inhabiting a fully developed body, they often feel like
children who have not grown up or had the chance to acquire the skills they
need.”
Pamela D. Blair offers many years of experience in helping others discover and
nurture the child within.
(NOTE: See also Inner Child Recovery)
Are you
outwardly successful at your job but inwardly feel like a big kid pretending to
be a professional? Do you aspire to be a loving parent but all too often
treat your children in the same demeaning way your parents treated you? Do
you crave intimacy but find yourself jumping from one destructive relationship
to another? Or perhaps you just feel vaguely inferior, anxious, or
depressed. If any of these symptoms sound familiar, you may be suffering
from what Dr. Blair calls a “wounded inner child.” And you wouldn’t be
alone.
Most of us feel a strong resonance with the inner child. We know
intuitively what it is, what its meaning is for us. We sense, perhaps
secretly, that a part of us remains whole, untouched by life’s sorrows, capable
of great joy and wonder at small things. The child image is one of subtle
complexity and truth. Its message is that we all carry within us an
eternal child, a young being of innocence and wonder. When our inner child
is wounded, we feel empty and depressed. Life has a sense of unreality
about it; we are there, but we are not in it. This emptiness leads
to loneliness. Because we are never who we really are, we are never truly
present. And even if people admire and hang on to us, we feel alone.
Becoming a loving Adult to your Inner Child involves loving parenting in the
present and reparenting of the past. Both are essential aspects of Inner
Bonding. If you work on healing the past traumas of the Inner Child but
never learn to be a loving Adult in present situations, you perpetuate the old
traumas by continuing to be the Parent to your Child that your parents were.
If you learn how to handle present situations in loving ways but never delve
deeply into old wounds, those old wounds will continue to cause problems in all
your relationships.
The inner child work offered by Dr. Blair will teach you to heal past wounds and
will provide tools to forge and maintain the inner unity that makes our family,
sexual, work, and social relationships productive, honest, and joyful.
In a safe, nurturing environment, Dr. Blair will help you deal with the life transitions that most affect women:
• Living
Authentically & Creatively
• Changing Family Relationships
• Myths about Women & Aging
• Depression, Anxiety & Stress
• Self-image & Body Changes
• Relationships & Marriage
• Widowhood & Divorce
• The Spiritual Journey
• Health Issues
• Menopause
• Sexuality
• Birth of a Child
• Empty Nest Syndrome
Imagine coming into a therapist’s office and being offered a cup of tea and warm shawl to put over your shoulders. Within a home-like atmosphere of comfort and trust, in a time and space dedicated to you alone, Dr. Blair will guide you through the exploration of your emotions and feelings.
A marriage or other committed relationship doesn't need to end because of communication difficulties, infidelity, money issues, or the challenges of parenting. Many couples can avoid a divorce or painful separation if they are willing to commit to working together with the help of a trained professional. Pamela D. Blair has assisted numerous couples who were on the brink of divorce. Couples issues are sometimes complex and confusing. Dr. Blair's straight forward approach, together with a structured program that values both partner's input, will bring results quicker than you might expect. Please feel free to call for more information on how couples counseling can help you.
Pamela D. Blair appears on television discussing the topic "Divorce: An Emotional Minefield" on CBS "The Early Show".
Dr. Blair is a contributing editor to Divorce Magazine. Follow these links for her articles.
Total Health - A Matter of Faith
How Do I Ask My
Spouse for a Divorce?
Survivors can feel isolated and may experience a loss of identity. Some may experience not only the clearly defined stages in counselors' handbooks but also a lingering sadness. Dr. Blair is a therapist specializing in grief issues and can help you through this difficult time. See books on grief by Pamela D. Blair.
Myths and Misunderstandings of the Grieving Process - an article on Dr. Laura's website
Helping Others With Grief - Guide on What to Say and Do - at Grandtimes.com
What To Do When Someone Close To You Dies - At Funeralplan.com
See Pamela D. Blair's article "Never Too Late to Create" at LifeSherpa.com
Read about Pamela D. Blair's new book due out in 2005 The Next Fifty Years: A Guide for Women at Midlife and Beyond by Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D. Hampton Roads, August 2005
What You Can Expect From Therapy
Dr. Blair
will help you address universal issues with which we all struggle:
Dependence
versus independence
Inappropriate
attachment versus the ability to separate
Self-sabotage
versus self-actualization
Chronic grief
versus acceptance of loss
Emotional
isolation versus the ability to feel one’s feelings
Distancing
versus intimacy
Spiritual
distress versus a sense of peace
The “work” of therapy involves learning to take an inventory of your mixed
emotions. The aim is to reach a sense of emotional balance. This
lets you see your options clearly, to let go of your anxiety or fear of
intimacy, to take action on your own behalf, change your self-defeating
behaviors and move forward with confidence.
The therapeutic process produces a growing awareness that an array of
conflicting feelings usually lies beneath our defenses...that among them are
positive feelings that can help balance the negative ones. (i.e. I am
angry at my father’s coldness, I feel the hurt of wanting intimacy, and I also
feel love and gratitude for the lessons he taught me and our moments of
tenderness.) In taking responsibility for our own contributions to our
problems, we learn to stop searching for outside solutions and are no longer
hostages to situations.
As a psychotherapist, I use a wide range of techniques based on different ideas
and theories. Some psychotherapists use one form of therapy for all their
clients. However, I vary my techniques to suit the nature of the clients’
issues. There is no evidence that one form of therapy is more effective
than any other. The success of the experience depends on the background,
skill, and warmth of the therapist, and on the relationship established with the
client.
One of the techniques I use is behavioral psychotherapy which is based on the
concept that psychological problems result from a basic learning process called
conditioning. In conditioning, a person learns to make specific responses
to stimuli from the environment. According to behavioral theory,
individuals who have psychological problems either have failed to learn
effective responses to stimuli or have learned faulty behavioral patterns in
dealing with stresses.
Behavioral therapists attempt to change a patient’s self-defeating behavioral
patterns by a variety of means. For example, the therapist may reward
desirable responses and ignore or punish any other responses. Behavioral
therapists also work to change patients’ beliefs about themselves and their
behavior. The therapist may try to increase a person’s confidence in his
or her own ability to function effectively. The therapist also may try to
help the client develop more reasonable goals.
Another approach I use is spiritual psychotherapy which honors a person’s
potential for growth and self-fulfillment based on a spiritual connection to the
world. Rather than concentrating on unconscious conflicts or
self-defeating behavior, spiritual therapists work to help clients develop
personal awareness, self-understanding, and an appreciation of their own worth
within a context greater than themselves.
I also provide client-centered therapy which assumes that the individual is the
best expert for solving his or her own problems. The therapist repeats and
restates the client’s feelings and thoughts in an effort to help them gain
insight. The therapist does not try to explain the problem or tell the
client what to do.
Other forms of psychotherapy include (1) Gestalt therapy, (2) transactional
analysis, and (3) reality therapy. Gestalt therapy, developed by the German
psychiatrist Frederick S. Perls, is directed at bringing the client’s thoughts
and actions into harmony with their deepest feelings. In transactional analysis,
the therapist helps analyze their relationships in family and social situations.
In reality therapy, the patient is held responsible for his or her own behavior
and is forced to accept its consequences.
Confidentiality assured / phone sessions available
Call 914-741-1044 or email pamblair@aol.com
